The Leader I Thought I Needed to Be vs. the Leader I Became

When I first moved into leadership, I had an idea of what a strong leader was supposed to look like. I thought leaders needed to have the answers, solve the problems, make the decisions, and be the person everyone could count on when something went wrong. In many ways, those qualities helped me grow in my career, but as my responsibilities increased and my teams became larger, I began to understand that leadership required something very different.

Over the course of my career in education, I went from working directly with students and families to managing teams and eventually leading more than 120 staff members. Each role taught me something new, but some of my most valuable leadership lessons came when I realized I needed to let go of my original definition of what a leader should be.

One of the biggest shifts was understanding that being capable of doing something myself didn’t mean I should always be the one doing it. I have always been someone who likes to get things done, and earlier in my career, if there was a problem, my instinct was often to jump in and solve it. That approach can work when you’re responsible primarily for your own work, but it becomes impossible when you’re leading a large team. More importantly, constantly stepping in doesn’t give other people the opportunity to develop their own confidence, judgment, and leadership skills.

I had to learn how to step back, delegate, communicate expectations clearly, and trust people to find solutions that might be different from the ones I would have chosen. That wasn’t always easy, but it changed the way I thought about leadership. My job wasn’t to prove that I could do everything. My job was to create an environment where other people could succeed too.

I also learned that leaders don’t need to have every answer. When you’re responsible for a large team, there will always be situations you haven’t encountered before, decisions without an obvious right answer, and challenges that require perspectives beyond your own. Instead of feeling like I needed to walk into every conversation with the solution, I became more comfortable asking questions, listening, and sometimes simply saying, “I don’t know yet. Let’s figure it out.”

That shift made me a better leader because I began to recognize how much knowledge existed within the people around me. The individuals closest to the work often had insights I didn’t have. Leadership became less about being the person with the answer and more about bringing the right people together, asking the right questions, and helping the team move toward a solution.

Another lesson that stayed with me is that people pay close attention to how a leader responds when things go wrong. It’s easy to talk about creating a positive culture when goals are being met and everything is running smoothly. The true culture of an organization often becomes much clearer when there’s a mistake, a missed deadline, a frustrated employee, or an unexpected challenge.

I certainly haven’t handled every leadership situation perfectly, and I don’t think any leader does. What I learned, however, was to become much more aware of what my response was communicating to the people around me. If every mistake is met with blame, people eventually become afraid to take risks or admit when something isn’t working. If challenges can instead become opportunities to understand what happened, determine what needs to change, and move forward, you create a very different environment.

That doesn’t mean removing accountability. In fact, I believe accountability and support can and should exist together. People need clear expectations, honest feedback, and an understanding of their responsibilities, but they also need to know that one mistake doesn’t define their ability or their value to the team.

As my leadership responsibilities grew, I also became responsible for budgets, goals, processes, performance metrics, deadlines, and operational decisions. Those things were important, but I tried never to forget that behind every number was a person. Organizations need results, but results are achieved through people, and people perform at their best when they understand what is expected of them, believe their work matters, and feel that their contributions are recognized.

Looking back, I think my definition of leadership has changed significantly. Earlier in my career, I probably would have measured strong leadership primarily by results. Today, results still matter to me, but I also think about what happens to the people you lead along the way.

Did someone become more confident because you gave them an opportunity? Did a team member discover a strength they didn’t realize they had? Did you create an environment where people felt comfortable asking questions, sharing ideas, and learning from mistakes? Did you help someone develop to the point where they no longer needed you to solve the problem for them?

Those are accomplishments too, and in many ways, they may be some of the most meaningful measures of leadership.

When I created The Diamond Standard Coaching, I built the business around three pillars: Clarity, Focus, and Growth. The more leadership work I do, the more I see how naturally those principles apply.

Clarity is about knowing who you are as a leader and making sure the people around you understand expectations and direction. Focus is about recognizing what truly matters instead of allowing everything to become equally urgent. Growth is the reminder that leadership is never something we completely master. Every team, challenge, mistake, success, and person we encounter has the potential to teach us something if we’re willing to pay attention.

I’m still learning, and I hope I always will be.

The leader I thought I needed to be was the person with the answers. The leader I eventually learned to become was someone who asked more questions, trusted other people, created opportunities for others to grow, and understood that leadership wasn’t about being the most important person in the room.

It was about helping the people in the room become better.

A title may give you authority, but the way you lead determines the impact you leave behind.