Your teen has been staring at a blank document for twenty minutes. You can see three ways they could start the assignment, and dinner is almost ready. It would be faster to pull up a chair and help them write the first sentence.
At work, the same impulse shows up when someone on your team brings you a project that’s stalled. You’ve handled something like it before, so you start laying out what you’d do. They leave with a plan, but you may have missed the chance to find out what was holding them up in the first place.
In my work with students and leaders, I’ve found that a well-timed question can make the next step easier to see. Here are three I come back to.
“Which part feels hardest to start?”
A teen who says, “I can’t do this,” might be unsure what the teacher is asking for or worried their first draft will sound terrible. Those are two different problems. If the directions are confusing, read them together and ask your teen to tell you what they think the assignment is asking them to do. If they’re worried about getting the wording right, invite them to talk through one idea before they try to write it down.
“What have you tried, and where did you get stuck?”
This question gives a team member room to walk you through their thinking. You might discover they’ve already explored two options and are waiting for a decision only you can make. In that case, make the decision. If they have the information and authority they need, ask, “Which option would you try first?” Give them a moment to think before you offer your own answer.
“What’s one step you can take, and what do you need from me?”
This is where the conversation turns into a plan. Your teen might say, “I’ll pick my two examples, but can you sit with me while I reread the directions?” A team member might say, “I’ll draft a recommendation by Thursday. Can you confirm which deadline takes priority?” In both cases, they’ve named what they’ll do and asked for specific support.
The next time you feel yourself jumping in with a solution, try asking one question and giving the person time to answer. A little silence can feel awkward, especially when you already have an idea. It also gives them room to tell you what kind of help would actually move things forward.
